And So it Goes
by Mattiewilda
Summary: How exactly did Shawn and Angela's relationship end? Is it as simple as he said: he tried while she left him? Or, as it's always been with the two of them, was it more complicated than that? And how will they handle it when they're face to face again? A different take on Girl Meets Hurricane.
1. Chapter 1

_**This is probably the last thing you expected to see from me, another short. And something that's NOT Angela/Eric! (Although there's a friendship crumb tossed in during part 2, lol. I couldn't resist. ;-) )  
**_

 _ **I will admit I went back and forth over whether this should go here or in the Girl Meets World side and I'm still not entirely sure where it belongs. This my attempt to correct the total and complete lack of effort (to put it mildly) on the writers' part when it came to Angela, her character, and closure with Shawn in the GMW episode** Girl Meets Hurricane **, so I'm tentatively posting it here. If, in the end, it needs to be moved I will move it.**_

 _ **Cory, Riley, Maya, Katy, and Topanga have brief cameos in the beginning, but otherwise it is strictly Angela and Shawn. And in fact this chapter (the first of two chapters) will mostly cover what happened the last time they saw each other prior to** Hurricane **. It's complicated, messy, and emotional...just like Shawn and Angela's relationship was. Chapter two will be up later this weekend and will be an ACTUAL conversation between them. Not the rushed few minutes BMW/GMW writers saw fit to provide.**_

 _ **The title comes from a beautiful, bittersweet song by the same name written by Billy Joel.**_

* * *

"Hi, Shawn."

He froze. He'd know her voice anywhere. Some nights it haunted his dreams. He dropped the tray he was holding that contained the extra coffee and muffins to the counter and slowly turned to face her. "Angela." It was almost criminal how little the years had changed her.

"It's been a long time."

"What are you doing here?"

"I was in the city for work. I finished early so I thought I'd take advantage of the extra time and catch up with Topanga. Lately we've only been able to call and email. I couldn't pass up the chance to see my best friend in person. I heard she bought this bakery and I thought I'd check it out, show her my support. She didn't tell me that you'd be here today." She placed her order with the person behind the counter before turning her attention back to Shawn. "Since you are here…is there any chance that we can talk?" Her eyes darted to the window and she realized they had quite the audience. Apparently Cory was training his daughter in his busybody ways. "In private?"

"Um…yeah…I guess." He knew they would find no privacy here. Once they each had a coffee in hand he asked, "You want to take a walk?"

"That would be nice."

Riley and Maya sat dumbfounded as they watched Shawn and Angela exit the bakery and continue walking without paying them a passing glance. "Where are they going," Riley asked in a screechy whisper. "This isn't the plan. This whole day is ruined!"

"Let's give them a minute," Maya said, hoping her voice didn't betray the total panic she was feeling. She kneeled on her chair to see where they were headed. "Then we follow. They're going for the park."

Just then the door to the eatery opened and Topanga appeared outside. "Girls, it's getting busy in here. I could use your help."

"Sorry, mom, we can't. We have to…"

"I know what you're planning to do and no, you're not going to follow Shawn and Angela." She could practically see their teenaged minds start spinning the moment the former couple left and she wasn't about to let their much needed conversation be interrupted. "Come inside and help."

"But mom…"

"Mrs. Matthews…"

"I'm not _asking_. I'm _telling_ you to get your butts in here and give me a hand."

The girls reluctantly got up to follow Topanga inside. Riley shot a look to her dad and Maya to her mom, imploring them to continue on the spy mission.

Cory stood, stretched, and let out a loud, over-exaggerated yawn. "You know, it is a nice day for a leisurely stroll in the park. Katy, care to join me on the stroll?"

"Cory Matthews, don't you even think about it!"

He grimaced at his wife's voice. "Aw, man!"

"You come help, too. These dishes won't wash themselves."

He sighed and dragged himself towards the door. Now how was he going to know what happened? Shawn had always been vague about what ended his relationship with Angela and Cory didn't see that changing now.

"Can I get another cup of coffee," Katy asked quietly. She wasn't sure what to make of the last few minutes.

"To go, right," he added with a hopeful tone.

She thought for a moment. "No…for here."

/

/

They walked in silence for quite a while, neither one of them sure where to start the conversation. Eventually Angela began. "How have you been?"

Shawn stopped in his tracks. "Are you serious?"

She's confused. She thought that was a safe question to start things off. "What's the matter with you?"

"The first time we talk since you dump me and slam a door in my face and you ask how I am?! That doesn't seem a little backwards to you?!"

"Whoa, I dumped you and slammed a door in your face? Have you taken a creative writing class since the last time we saw each other because you've developed a remarkable talent for rewriting history."

"You ended our relationship and told me to leave your apartment. I was there."

"Who ended it is debatable. Do you happen to remember the conversation that led up to you walking out?"

Shawn found the closest bench and sat down. Of course he remembered that conversation. He'd lost count of the times it's replayed in his mind. Each time he yelled at himself to say something different, to not give her that ultimatum. But every time is the same and it always ended with him and Angela on opposite sides of her door.

/

* * *

/

 _Early January 2002..._

"Wow, you're making me breakfast, too?" Angela wrapped her arms around Shawn's waist and kissed his cheek. "And I thought last night was the real surprise," she said with a smile. "But cooking? Wow."

"I'm an unpredictable person."

"Trust me, I've always know that." She moved to the coffee pot and prepared a mug. "So, can we talk?"

"About what?"

"Come on, Shawn, don't get me wrong, I love seeing you and last night was amazing, but what brought this on? Why show up out of the blue now?"

He transferred her eggs from the pan to a plate. "I missed you. Isn't that enough of a reason?"

"Oh, I've missed you, too." Angela wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his chest, enjoying the steadying sound of his heartbeat. When he hugged her back and held her tight she wanted to cry. She'd waited for over a year to be this close to Shawn. Phone calls, letters, and emails were nothing compared to being in his arms again. "I've missed you so much."

"Yeah, well...your scheduled year abroad ended months ago," he responded in a slightly bitter tone. "You're the one who decided to apply for the writing program."

Mr. Feeny had told her about a summer program a former colleague of his taught at Oxford University and encouraged her to go for it. Never in a million years did Angela believe she would be one of the few students accepted. But two weeks before she was scheduled to return home she got the letter. The phone call to Shawn was difficult, especially since she never told him she applied in the first place. That, she recognized, had been a mistake, but Angela really didn't think she had a chance so she assumed it would be a funny anecdote for her return: the story of how she applied at- and was rejected by- Oxford. "Shawn, Oxford is a once-"

"Once in a lifetime opportunity, I know." It was funny how all of these once in a lifetime opportunities- time spent with her father, programs at Oxford- kept her away from him. "It's just...you've been gone a long time. This wasn't the plan."

"I know." Once the summer program ended she looked into applying as a full time student. She felt far more challenged here than anything that was ever offered to her at Pennbrook. "But I'm doing this for us."

"For us," he scoffed, "really?" He moved away from her and walked back to the stove. He removed the pan and placed it in the sink. "Well, thank you. I hadn't known the pain of separation before. There's one life lesson checked off the list."

"Stop it," Angela pleaded quietly. "In the moment yes, this situation sucks, but if you look at the long term benefits for my future, our future- it can be huge."

"Do we have to talk about this now? Can't we just eat?"

She wasn't sure how they were supposed to shove down all of the issues that were now out in the open, but she agreed. "Sure. You did make a nice breakfast...at least it looks nice. We'll see if I end up with food poisoning," she joked.

"I _can_ cook now. I can cook a few things anyway. I won't starve."

They ate in silence for several minutes. Every time Angela stole a glance at Shawn his sole focus was on his plate. "Topanga sent me pictures of the baby. I can't get over how cute she is. I wish I could've gotten to New York to see everybody over Christmas, but my dad had some time off and that last assignment was pretty scary. He had a few close calls. So I wanted to see him. I told Topanga my Spring break belongs to her…that is whatever time I have left after being with you."

He nodded. Little Riley wasn't even a month old yet and he already had more pictures of her than he had of anything or anyone else because Cory wouldn't let up and sent them multiple times a day in an attempt to lure him back to New York. Shawn met the baby in the hospital. He was the first person to meet her after she was born. It was Riley- though she was much too young to realize it- that made him leave. She made him realize that he was doing nothing with his life. Everyone was out and doing things: getting jobs, traveling, going to school, having babies. What was he doing? All Shawn was doing was sitting by the phone or computer waiting for Angela to contact him which, to her credit, she did fairly regularly. But it wasn't every day like they had promised each other.

Shawn was sitting in that hospital rocking chair with his best friend's daughter in his arms when he realized what he had to do. Cory and Topanga already had their future. They had their family. They were set. Now it was his turn. He was going to get on a plane and go get his future…his family…and bring her home. It was time for Shawn Hunter to get his happily ever after. He was stupid for having waited this long and letting her get away in the first place.

"Shawn?" Angela reached across the table for his hand, smiling when his eyes met hers'. "Where were you just now? I was having an entire conversation with myself."

"Sorry."

"That's okay. What's going on? And don't even try and tell me nothing because I can obviously see that it's something. Come on, what is it?"

He took a deep breath and tried to summon the courage that he'd lost at several instances last night and a few times already this morning. "Marry me."

Angela's mug fell from her hand and back to the table. She searched his face for any sign that he was kidding. He was completely serious. "What did you say?"

"Let's get married," he repeated, this time trying not to sound quite so scared to death this time.

"You're…you don't mean that." She got up from the table and walked to the living room. "You can't mean that."

"Why not? Let's get married!" Shawn found the more he said it, the more confident he was that it was the right thing to do. "Let's get married right now!"

"Why not," she parroted. "Um, okay, yes, let's list all the reasons why we're not ready to get married. Reason one: I'm still in school and you…the last you told me you were taking a break from school and working a couple part time jobs. What are you doing with your life?"

"That's a question I've been asking myself for a long time."

"You're proposing because you're bored? Shawn, get a hobby. Go back to poetry or photography."

"Do you love me?"

"Of course I do, more than anything. You shouldn't have to ask that."

"Then marry me."

She resumed pacing. "Reason two: We have no money. What would we live on? And please don't say we'd live on love. That's a Cory answer. Love doesn't pay the bills."

He took a seat on her couch. "Do you remember right after Cory and Topanga got married they couldn't handle living in that crappy dorm and wanted to run home crying to Amy and Alan to fix everything for them?"

"Yeah."

"We promised each other that one day we'd be broke and miserable, living in a crappy apartment of our own that we would get to fix up. Then we'd be broke and happy because we got to make our home beautiful together. Don't you still want that?"

"Shawn…"

"Don't you?"

"Yes."

"Then let's have it. What are we waiting for? The future? The future is now."

"Please don't do this."

He reached out, grabbed her hands, and pulled her down beside him. "I know that on paper it may not seem like a good idea right now, but we love each other. We've had our ups and downs and I know sometimes I've been kind of a jerk and not always the best boyfriend, but-"

"Shawn-"

"-let me say this, please. If you let me, I promise I will do my best to love you and make you happy. And you already make me so happy without even trying so you don't have to worry there," he said with a laugh. She was making him very nervous. The longer he kept talking however, Shawn figured she would see things his way.

Angela closed her eyes in a failed effort to keep her tears at bay. They slid down her cheeks anyway. She squeezed his hands tight. "Shawn, baby, I love you, I do, but…"

He put a finger to her lips. "No buts," he whispered, "no buts. I love you, you love me, and at the risk of sounding like that big purple dinosaur and The Beatles, isn't that all that matters? All we need is love. Who cares about the rest of it?"

She kissed his fingertip before removing his hand. "I love you, but I can't marry you…at least not right now. I'm not ready."

"Why not?"

"This past year has taught me so much about myself. When I first left you to be with my dad I was scared. I was leaving a life I loved, people I loved, and a life that was familiar to me."

"And?"

"I didn't know I could enjoy hanging out with my dad so much. He's not always able to call me for security reasons, but he can usually send a quick email or text most days. Sometimes it's just a smiley face or 'I love you' but I know he's thinking about me and that he's okay." Before their year together it wasn't uncommon for Angela to go weeks without hearing from her dad simply because he didn't want to bother her.

"What does that have to do with us?"

"I'm more independent. I've learned that I can count on myself and depend me. I thought that was true before, but now I know it is. I'm living in a foreign country all alone."

"It doesn't have to be that way. You can come home. I'm sure there are a ton of schools in the United States just waiting to have their asses kicked by you."

"Shawn, I like it here. Oxford has challenged me in ways I never thought possible. I love that. I'm meeting people from all over the world and learning all about-"

"Oh, I get it. New people? Is there another guy?"

"What? No! Of course there's no other guy! I love you. I'd never cheat on you. Why would you even think that?"

"I don't know, you say new people and I…"

"You immediately think back to what new people meant to you freshman year when we broke up," she challenged.

"You're really going to throw that back in my face?"

"Fire false accusations of cheating at me and I can say some crazy things." Angela took a deep breath and ran her hands through her hair, gathering it up into a ponytail. "I think we need to take a break and figure out what we're saying because right now we're going in circles."

"I don't need a break. I know what I want. I want to marry you and I don't understand why, if you claim to love me, your answer is anything other than yes."

"I can't explain it any clearer than I'm not ready to get married and I don't think _we're_ ready to marry each other. Before last night it had been more than a year since we were in the same room. Shawn, we're not the same people we were back then. Yes, we've kept in touch through emails and on the phone, but that's not the same as living day in and day out together and I'm not about to use a marriage as a trial run to see if we're still compatible. I love you too much for that." She reached for his hands, but he pulled away. "Just because I don't want to get married _now_ doesn't mean I never want to marry you. We're still so young. We have plenty of time."

"What if we didn't?"

"What?"

"What if we didn't have all the time in the world?"

"What are you saying?" Her stomach fell. "Are you sick or…or are you-"

"No." Shawn pulled her close for a hug. He was mad, but he hadn't meant to worry her like that. "No, I'm not sick. I'm perfectly healthy."

She smacked his arm. "Don't scare me like that! I thought you were going to tell me you were dying."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Then what did you mean? Why wouldn't we have all the time in the world?"

"If we don't get married now, what are we even doing, Angela? Are we dating? Engaged? What are we?"

"We are a couple who loves each other very much. Shawn, I mean it, I love you. And if you want to get engaged or do the whole promise ring thing, I'm on board. But I'm not running out and marrying you today."

Shawn stood up and moved over to the window. He winced involuntarily at the cars driving down the opposite sides of the road. "I guess that's it then."

"What's it?"

"I want to get married and you don't. It doesn't get any clearer than that."

"I said I'm not getting married _today_. Big difference."

"Not to me."

She walked over to him. "What are you saying, either we get married right now or what…we're done?"

"That is what I'm saying, yes." The words sounded so strange. Shawn came here with a proposal and marriage in mind, but it wasn't supposed to go like this. Now he was giving her an ultimatum? In the back of his mind he knew this tactic was going to blow up in his face, yet he couldn't seem to stop himself. "It's now or never, Angela, your choice. Either you love me enough to marry me or you don't." Her reflection was staring back at him from the window.

"Shawn…I…"

"I'm going to get dressed." He made a quick exit so he wouldn't have to see her wounded expression any longer than necessary. When Shawn woke up today he thought this would be the happiest day of his life. How was it turning into one of the worst?

When he came back to the living room several minutes later Angela was on the couch with her head in her hands. "Angela?" Shawn sat on the coffee table directly across from her. Close enough to reach out and touch her, yet he couldn't bring himself to comfort her.

She raised her head and looked at him. "I watched my parents' marriage fall apart because they were two people who shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. But they did. They got married on a whim as my dad was about to be deployed. They thought they were madly in love and figured the whole two months they knew each other prior to that was enough time to know. But it wasn't enough time to know anything. They didn't think about what went into a marriage and even less into raising a kid. My mother found out she was pregnant with me eleven days after dad was deployed."

"You never told me that before."

"Year after year, move after move, deployment after deployment I watched her grow more and more unhappy with her life until even I wasn't enough to make her smile. I used to long for the days daddy was home until him being home meant constant yelling. Then one day the yelling stopped. I came home from school and he came home from his post and she was gone. She left a note saying how she was sorry, but she couldn't do it anymore, that if she would've known back then all that went into marriage and family and…and taking care of a child…she would've known she wasn't ready and her choices would've been different."

"Angela, I…"

"I refuse to be my mother. I'm not going to get married and begin a family on a whim and then in ten years be full of nothing but regret."

"It won't be like that for us." He fell to his knees in front of her and held her face in his hands. "I promise you it wouldn't."

"How?"

"Because we've been through so much already. We come from broken homes. We've seen what creates them. We know what not to do. We're light years ahead of our own parents."

She removed his hands from her face. "And yet you're still trying to talk me into a marriage I've told you I'm not ready for. Why can't we have a long engagement? Why isn't that good enough? Or why don't you move here?"

"To England?"

"Yes, move here and we can get to know each other again. You'd have to if we got married anyway."

"You wouldn't come home with me?"

"Shawn, I go to school here. For the next year or two my life is in Oxford. Maybe longer if I decide to pursue my Masters degree. My professors are really encouraging me to go for it."

"I don't believe this," he muttered, a new wave of anger washing over him. She was making all these plans without consulting him. "When is it my turn, huh? I let you be selfish. You had your chance to be the selfish one when you left with your dad. Now it's my turn!" Shawn knew this was coming out wrong, but he was desperate. He was grasping at any straw he had. "You owe me a selfish decision."

"Is that really how you'd want to start a marriage, by treating it as a selfish decision?"

"I love you and want to be with you. I want us to start our lives together. Right now. I think we've waited long enough, don't you?"

"I love you, too, but…" She let out a shaky breath. "…I'm not going to change my mind. I can't get married right now. I'm not ready. And the fact that you don't seem to get that, it shows how much we've changed and how much you don't get me anymore. The old Shawn wouldn't be trying to pressure me to marry him."

"The old Angela would've had enough faith in us to believe we could make it through anything." She said nothing in response. "You're saying no?" He wanted to give her a chance to realize what she was giving up.

"No, I'm saying not now. You're taking that as a no." Angela watched as he once again went towards her bedroom. "Where are you going?"

"To pack my bag and call a cab."

"You're leaving? Just like that?"

"You've made it perfectly clear where you stand, Angela. I'm here and I'm trying to make our relationship work, but I seem to be all alone in that. "

"Go to hell."

"Too late, I'm already there."

Angela was standing near the door the next time Shawn came out several minutes later. She was wrapped in the gray blanket from the back of the couch, unable to shake the chill that had suddenly come over her. Her cell phone was in hand, as she had just sent a text to her father, asking him to call whenever he had time to talk. Maybe he could help her make sense of this. She didn't understand how it all went so wrong so quickly. Twelve hours ago when she answered the door and saw Shawn standing there she thought it was the beginning of a new phase for both of them and their relationship. She supposed she was right. She just didn't realize that new phase was the end.

"Are you sure," he asked, wanting to give her yet another chance.

"Yes," came her hushed reply.

"Because once I'm gone, that's it. I'm not coming back."

"I know."

Shawn had his hand on the knob before he turned around again. "I just want you to remember something, Angela. You're doing this, not me. I'm trying to make us work here. I'm trying. I have faith. You don't. You're giving up on us." His mind screamed for him to shut up as her tears silently fell, but his mouth and bruised ego had another plan. "Five, ten, twenty years from now when you're all alone and traveling from place to place with your brilliant career- because I know you'll be brilliant at whatever you do- just remember that you had someone. You had someone who loved you and wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, but you pushed him away."

She shoved him away from her door and whipped it open. "Get out," she ordered through what were by now angry tears. "Now!"

He stumbled out into the hallway and knew from her tone that he had gone too far. "Angela, I'm-"

Shawn didn't get another word out before the door was slammed in his face. He stayed there for a few minutes, hoping either he'd get the nerve to knock and apologize or she'd come running out and change her mind. Neither happened. He only left when he couldn't stand to listen to her cry anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm sorry, it's a little bit later than the promised weekend conclusion to this tale. I grossly overestimated my ability to finish editing while working 10+ hour days. (I forget that even I need to sleep sometimes, lol.)_

 _I feel like I should say I am what can best be described as a sporadic viewer of GMW. At this point I read spoilers to see if anything sounds appealing. I think a large part of it is an age thing, in my 30s I'm just not part of the demos they want to reach, lol. The stunt they pulled with Angela's character didn't help. (Neither did portraying Eric as closer to his stupid, season 7 incarnation.) She and Shawn had their issues, but in no way is she to blame for everything. Based on their history I just don't believe it went down like that. I feel like I should also say, as I've said before, I stopped rooting for Shawn/Angela romantically after all the games he played in season 6. When she said she wasn't going to wait around for him like a fool, I cheered her on. When they ended up blaming THAT breakup on her in season 7 I shook my head. (They love to retroactively blame things on poor Angela, huh?) All that said, I still believe their relationship deserved more respect and closure than the sorry excuse they were given.  
_

 _Yikes, that's a much bigger rant than I planned and makes me sound bitter, lol. Almost all of my stories center around Angela and so I've become rather protective of her character I suppose._

 _Part 2 is "present day" stuff and really turned into more giving Shawn a glimpse into Angela's life. I think I'm compensating because I doubt the writers will never make up and do justice for the damage they've done lol. Either way, it is very different from the story I set out to tell when I started writing...most of my stories end up that way._

 _Okay, enough of this War & Peace length author's note. Thank you so much for all of the feedback and comments to this story. I appreciate it all. :-)_

* * *

"All right," Shawn reluctantly admitted, "maybe it isn't as simple as you dumped me and slammed a door in my face."

"If that's the story you spread around to our friends it certainly explains why Cory hasn't treated me the same since then." Angela sat beside him on the bench. "You never answered my question. How have you been?"

He shrugged. "I've been. I suppose I can't complain. Work keeps me busy."

"So I've noticed. I love your photographs."

"You've seen my stuff," Shawn asked. There was something especially radiant about her smile. Or had it always been like that? He likened it to an eclipse in his mind. It was a stunning force of nature, but would blind him if he looked for too long.

"I have. I'm proud of you. I always knew you could get far."

"Yeah…yeah you did. So, how are you doing? Do you still write?" He asked the question, but he already knew the answer. He read every article he could find with her name on it.

"I've dabbled in a little of everything. I've tried it all from serious pieces for Time Magazine to puff pieces in fashion magazines. Now I'm trying my hand at song writing."

"You write songs?" That was news.

"I've done a few commercial jingles that sold and I've got a couple real songs that are almost done that a record company seems pretty interested in. "

"Wow, that's amazing!"

"I don't know if I'm just being silly and delusional or if it will even go anywhere, but you never know unless you try, right?"

He felt a genuine pull of happiness and pride well up from within. Then he briefly wondered if any of these songs were about him and their relationship. It was probably best not to ask. "I told you you'd be brilliant at whatever you did. Where are you living?"

"I'm in San Diego right now. I'm not sure how permanent it is, but I enjoy it."

"San Diego's nice. I've been through there a couple of times. Beautiful weather. Are you dating anyone?" The question was out there before he could think and the silence was deafening.

Angela looked down for a moment. She suspected he didn't know about her marriage and this confirmed it. There really would be no easy time to break the news, especially not after what happened the last time they saw each other. "Shawn… I got married." She held out her left hand and revealed her engagement and wedding rings. "About four years now."

"You…oh, that's…congratulations." It sounded fake and feeble to his ears.

"It's okay, you don't have to-"

"No, really, I'm happy for you. What's he like?" Maybe if he was lucky the ground would swallow him up before he had to listen to her answer. Or maybe he would be struck by lightning or taken out by a freak asteroid.

"He's a really great guy. He's in the military, so you know…he's gone more than I'd like and we move around, but…"

"Just like your dad, huh? Hey, how is your dad?" Shawn looked over when she didn't respond. She wore a pained expression and was staring at her to-go cup. "Angela?"

"My dad died six years ago."

"God, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. What happened? Was it military related?"

She laughed bitterly. "No, no, at least that would've been expected. It was a fishing accident…a stupid accident on a fishing boat." She reached into her purse for tissues. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He wasn't sure if it was appropriate for him to hug her, so he put his hand on her arm instead.

"The worst part is he wasn't even three months into his retirement. He had all of these plans for how he was finally going to relax and enjoy himself now that he was no longer at the military's beck and call and he barely got to do any of them. It's not fair! He survived over thirty years in the army, been to countless warzones and always made it home in one piece. But because he and some friends chose the wrong day to go fishing he's dead."

"I'm sorry."

"Why did he survive all that he did if that was how he was going to go out? I don't understand. All these years later and I still don't get it. I never will." She took a steadying breath. "The funeral was a blur. I honestly think I was in shock because I don't remember much about it. I know it was big and that a lot of people showed up. Eric gave a really nice eulogy, one of the better ones."

Shawn's eyebrows shot up and approached his hairline. "Eric? Eric Matthews? Cory's brother?"

"Yeah."

"How did he end up giving a eulogy?"

"He and my dad sort of became friends." She busted out laughing at the look on Shawn's face. "I know! It's as insane as it sounds."

"How the hell did that happen?"

"One day I got together with my dad for lunch and he said he got the strangest call. Come to think of it, Eric still won't fess up and tell me how he got dad's number," she muttered to herself. "But anyway, he had won a mayoral election and was wondering when he got his secret service protection. The White House was ignoring him so he thought my dad might know who he could call. Then he wondered since he was so close to Canada if maybe The Mounties were supposed to protect him instead."

He joined Angela in laughing. Secret Service and Mounties? That sounded exactly like something Eric would do. "And they became friends how?"

"Dad wanted to see the town crazy enough to elect Eric their leader but was afraid to go alone. So he made me go with him."

"Wow."

"Dad was named Eric's honorary bodyguard and they sort of kept tabs on each other after that. Eric yelled at me for losing touch with him and swore he wasn't going to let it happen again and he's lived up to his promise. He was one of my first calls after the accident." Before her dad died they would mostly correspond via text or goofy, joke emails. After his death, however, Eric called her at least once a week just to see how she was holding up. Their visits became more frequent. He even insisted on meeting the man who would become her husband when it was clear they were serious. He wanted to see if this guy was good enough for his friend. She never would've imagined that out of every one from the group Eric would be the one she would end up staying in closest contact. Angela still talked with Rachel and Topanga when their lives weren't so busy, but she and Eric now made it a point to stay in touch. It may have started out as sympathy over her dad, but they've become real friends. Life was strange.

"Your dad and Eric, I'm sure that was a sight to see," Shawn mused.

"They were a sitcom in the making." She lightly hit his leg. "So, enough about me, tell me about you. Anyone special in your life?"

"Um, no, no not really." How was he supposed to admit that there hadn't been anyone special since her? Yes, he'd dated and had relationships, Shawn Hunter was certainly not a monk, but nothing lasted too long. It was as though he reverted back to his pre-Angela days in high school. _Dos semanas_. "My job keeps me on the road a lot. Dating is difficult. I haven't had time to find anyone I'm interested in."

"Are you sure about that? The blondes sitting with Cory and Riley watching us with when we left the bakery tell a different story."

"Maya and Katy, they…" He nearly jumped out of his skin when Angela's phone rang. Well, it was either her phone or Beyonce snuck up behind him and started belting _Love on Top_ directly into his ear. And aside from one random dream he'd had, Shawn was quite certain he'd never be on the receiving end of a personal concert.

"I have to take this." Angela vacated the bench and hurried over to an isolated area.

It took Shawn all of a few seconds to realize the person on the phone was her husband. The smile on her face was genuine and reached her eyes in a way he hadn't yet witnessed today. Though he couldn't make out her words, her tone relayed the love she felt for the man on the other end. Even her body language reminded him of a flirty high school or college girl with the way she played with her hair, brought her hand to her face, and laughed at what he figured were by now inside jokes. Shawn tried to look away, every second he continued to watch he felt stabbing pains in his chest, but he couldn't. Happiness looked good on Angela and despite it all he wanted to see her happy. He did pry his eyes away when the conversation seemed to take a more serious tone. It felt like he was intruding then.

"Sorry," she apologized when she came back over to him. "He's deployed right now and our communication has been sketchy for security reasons. This was the first time I've heard his voice in over two weeks." Angela never imagined she'd end up with a military man. She spent so much time worrying about her father she couldn't picture putting herself through that again. Yet here she was… anxiously waiting by the phone just to hear his voice and know that he was okay. She wasn't sure when she'd get to speak to him again.

"Oh." He didn't want to, but her phone was right there on the bench taunting him. All he had to do was look down and he would probably see that her wallpaper was the two of them…probably disgustingly happy. Always a glutton for punishment, Shawn looked down just before the screen faded to black. "You have a dog?"

"What?" He gestured to her phone and she smiled. "Oh, yeah, we do. We have two of them." She picked up the mobile device and after a few swipes across the screen showed him a picture. "My little buddies…well, maybe they're not so little. Here's a helpful tip: never go to an adoption event just to look. You won't leave empty handed."

Shawn thought about their trial run with the Saint Bernard during the brief time they had the apartment to themselves. They promised each other that one day when they had a home with a yard they'd adopt a dog, or two or three: as many as they had room for. He wondered how many of their dreams she was living out with this other guy. "At least you're not alone when your husband is deployed."

"That was a selling point for him, too. I don't travel nearly as much for work anymore, so they keep me company. Friends are watching the dogs until I get home tomorrow. So, come on, you were telling me about the blondes who were watching us. Who are they?"

"Maya…she's been Riley's best friend forever I suppose. Her father is somewhere else, I'm not sure where. He's not around being a dad is all I know. And her mom, Katy…I'm not sure. When I first met her I thought she was a giant flake and not into her kid at all, but she's got to work a lot to provide for Maya."

"Do you like Katy?"

"I don't know her well enough to like or dislike her. Maya and Riley though," he sighed and leaned back into the bench, "they're trying to set us up. I'm pretty sure Cory is in on it, too, at this point."

"Cory's always wanted you to be happy."

Shawn laughed. "Yeah, sometimes I wished he weren't so personally invested in my happiness."

"Someone's got to be, right?"

"What's that supposed to mean? You don't think I _want_ to be happy?"

"Did you know that I've never lost touch with Topanga? Sure, we don't get to see each other often because of life and work and she has the kids, but we've always found a way to be there for each other." Angela sent presents when the kids were born and for every birthday and holiday and sometimes just because. It was rare, but if she was ever in New York she'd stop in and see Topanga, even if all they'd have time for was a cup of coffee or lunch during a layover. When her dad died Topanga and Cory couldn't make the funeral because Auggie was a newborn, but they sent flowers. Topanga even set something up with a local grocery store and takeout place so she wouldn't need to worry about food for a couple weeks. "She cried with me over the phone when my dad died and she was the first to RSVP to my wedding."

"She and Cory were there?" Shawn was under the impression that Angela's trip to the bakery today was the first time she was seeing any of them in years- that it was a surprise drop in. She was so rarely brought up in conversation that he assumed she sort of fell off the grid, not just with him but with their friends as well, and turned her back and moved on from everyone in her old life when they broke up.

"Topanga was. Cory stayed home with the kids. Like I said earlier, he's never quite been the same towards me since you and I broke up. It wasn't a very big wedding, but she was there. Eric and Rachel were, too."

"Why didn't anyone ever tell me about your dad or that you got married?" Whenever Shawn would talk about the past and Angela, Cory and Topanga would either remain silent or Cory would be vaguely encouraging, as though he still had a shot with her one day. Part of him had always clung to that hope, even if he hadn't realized how much so until seeing her again today.

"I never swore anyone to secrecy."

He ran his hands through his hair. "What does all this have to do with you never losing touch with Topanga?"

"I would always ask her how you were doing. I wanted to know that you were okay."

"And?"

"Her answer has been the same for years. She always says, _'Oh, you know Shawn, he's being Shawn.'_ Every single time we talk it's the same."

"What do you want me to do, stop being me?"

"I want you to be happy. It would kill me if you used me and the end of our relationship as an excuse to never put yourself out there and try again."

"I loved you, Angela. You were the first person I ever really loved. And then we were done. It's not that easy to let go of something like that."

"I know," she agreed with a sad chuckle, "believe me, I know. Getting over you was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do."

Shawn whipped around so he was now staring directly at her. "You refused to marry me and then turned around and married Captain America so how the hell do you know how hard it is to let go?!"

"You're right, we broke up and nine years later, _boom_! I got married. Yeah, I wasted no time there." She shook her head in disgust. "You think I have no feelings at all or that you were easy to get over?"

"I didn't-"

"After you left…"

"You slammed the door in my face."

" _Dammit, Shawn_ …"

They would never see that ending the same way so it would probably be best to never mention it again. "Sorry."

"I threw myself into school. It was almost a year before I could even think about going on a date again, even a casual one. Just the thought of it scared the hell out of me. Turning a few casual dates into something serious, something real? That took a lot longer. I didn't want to put myself through all the relationship shit if it was just going to end with me being shattered, you know?"

Shawn nodded, though it hurt to hear her describe herself as shattered. He hadn't really allowed himself time to think about how she took their breakup. "What eventually changed your mind?"

"My dad. He told me that I had two choices. I could forever be sad and bitter about the way we ended or I could remember beautiful way we started and all of the lessons we taught each other." Angela took his hand. "He said something that I still believe to this day. He said that people come into our lives for a reason. Some stay around longer than others, and sometimes people leave us long before we're ready for them to, but everyone that touches us has a purpose. No encounter is accidental and life knows what it's doing when it puts people together.

"Before you I was a scared little girl who thought relationships were for fools. I didn't know how to love. How could I recognize love when the person who was supposed to love me most- my own mother- walked out on me and never looked back? I didn't think I was worthy of it. My dad did his best but he was usually working. I felt like half a person most of the time. And then I met you and I'd never met someone else who viewed the world the same way I did. You wore the same cracked, jaded glasses." She met his eyes with a teary smile. "You…you got me."

He squeezed her hand. "I know what you mean. If I was having a bad day and needed someone to sit there with me- not talk about it and agonize over every detail- but just sit there and say nothing, you knew why I needed it. I didn't have to try and put words to it. Is it weird that I think some of our best conversations happened when we hardly said anything at all?"

"Those are some of my favorite times, too. That's not to say we didn't have our issues," she added with a touch of humor. "God knows we had enough baggage for an airline or two."

"No kidding." Shawn thought about what happened when they started college and the unexpected tailspin he found himself in when surrounded by new people and experiences. He was questioning life in general and dragged Angela along for the ride. He ran so hot and cold with her it's a miracle she ever agreed to take him back. "We never managed to be happy for too long, did we? Something always got in the way. Usually me."

"We loved hard and fought just as hard. There was no middle ground for us back then. All or nothing. It was what we knew how to do. No one taught us any different. We were two kids trying to figure this love thing out. It's natural we'd have some massive missteps."

"I wish you were this understanding in college."

"There's something to be said for the benefit of hindsight."

"I suppose."

"As strange as this sounds- and I don't know if it's going to come out how I mean it- I'm grateful for you and our relationship. If it weren't for you and what we had when we were together I wouldn't have the life I have now. I'm a happily married woman. Sometimes that still sounds like a foreign thing for me to say because I couldn't imagine opening myself up enough to a person to become their wife. You taught me so much. From you I learned not only how to love another person, but that I'm worthy of being loved. I deserve it as much as anyone else."

 _Was she thanking him for her marriage?_ "Is this where I'm supposed to say you're welcome?"

"It took me a long time to come to terms with and accept what happened between us. There were a lot of tears, anger, and sleepless nights involved. That's when the next part of dad's lesson kicked in. Life keeps moving forward and no matter what we do we can't stop it. The only thing we can control is whether we embrace what we've learned and go with it or wedge ourselves in the past because we're too stubborn and afraid to move forward."

He rubbed his face and stared at the ground. "I really loved you, part of me still does. I don't know how to make that go away."

"There's always going to be a part of me that loves you, too, Shawn. You were my first love. I don't think that ever disappears. I wouldn't want it to. But in order to move on I had to take a leap of faith and believe that life knows what it's doing and things work out the way they're supposed to." Angela still struggled with that part of her dad's philosophy, especially in light of the seemingly random way he died. But he believed it so she tried to as well.

"I don't know if I could take a leap that big." Shawn realized what it sounded like he was saying. "Not that some women haven't suggested I go on a few leaps in the past," he admitted with a wry laugh. "You included."

"After everything we've meant to each other, it would be a waste if the only thing you're able to take away is how we ended. I don't want you to be alone and afraid to open yourself up to the possibility of love again."

"Do the whole relationship thing?"

"Learn from us and what we shared- the good and the bad."

"Is that your way of telling me I should give Katy a shot?"

"No…I mean, if it's what you really want, sure, go for it, but don't do it because Cory or Riley or Maya are forcing your hand. But if you're genuinely interested in her you owe it to yourself to see where it could go."

"I don't know Katy well enough to be genuinely interested. Or not interested. Right now she's just Maya's mom."

"Figure that out first. If you are, give it a shot. If not, find someone you are interested in and see if you can make a connection. Just make sure you're making the decision for you and not what you think would be good for Maya and what she wants."

"Is it that obvious?"

"Hmm, an absent dad and a single mom with a kid who seems hell bent on you being in her life, knowing that you want to help and be there for her?"

"When did you figure all that out?"

"When a strange little girl stares at me like I've done her wrong just by being in the same room as you, it's not that difficult to put the pieces together."

He laughed. "Yeah, I have to do something soon, at least before plans are made for me." Cory would have a reception hall and band booked by next spring if he didn't make a decision soon.

"Even if you and Katy don't hit it off that doesn't mean you can't still have a positive influence on her daughter. I'm sure it will take Maya and Riley a while to grasp that, but they'll understand eventually if that's what you decide."

"I guess you're right." Mr. Turner played a big role in his life- still does- and he certainly never hooked up with Virna to make that happen. Shawn scrunched his face up at the mental image that popped into his head.

"What's with that face?"

"It's too weird to mention."

"If you say so." Angela took a moment to look around the park. It wasn't especially busy, but there were a decent amount of parents and children- or nannies and children for all she knew- occupying space, either on the play equipment or on blankets that dotted areas of grass. Most of them seemed to be enjoying themselves and having fun.

"You okay? You got really quiet."

"What? Oh, yeah, I was just thinking how amazed I am that we're still alone. I half expected to see Cory peeking out of a bush by now with terrible fake glasses and moustache disguise."

"I know, figured him or the girls would be sneaking along behind every garbage can as we walked."

"Topanga must've caught them," she concluded, making him laugh.

"Probably."

"Heads up!"

Angela and Shawn looked up in time to narrowly avoid being hit by a ball. It landed a few inches to Angela's right.

"Sorry, about that," a man called out as he approached with a little boy. "He's only four. Sometimes he gets a random burst of strength and his throws get away from him."

The guy resembled her husband a bit and it startled her. "That's okay." She decided to focus on the kid and held the toy out to him with a warm smile. "Here you go." He accepted it, but did his best to remain hidden behind his dad's leg. "You've got a nice arm. That's farther than I could ever throw a ball."

"What do you say," he prompted.

"Thank you," the child quietly mumbled.

"You're welcome."

"Sorry again to bother you. You folks have a nice day."

"You, too." Angela watched the father and son walk across the park hand in hand. They went back to their blanket where a woman was sitting with a baby in her arms. It was apparent they were a family who had come to enjoy an afternoon picnic. They were charming. Picturesque, even. If you looked up family in the dictionary this is probably the image Webster's would stick beside it.

"Angela?"

She jumped, having forgotten for a moment that Shawn was there. "What? Sorry, you scared me."

"You okay? You look like you just saw a ghost."

"I-I'm fine." She waved her hand in front of her face. "It's the sun. It's just a little warm out here."

"We're in the shade. Come on, what's going on?"

"He wants to have a baby."

"What?"

She was still staring at the family across the park. "My husband, he wants to have a baby."

"Oh, that's-"

"He's wanted to for a couple of years, but I've told him about my mother how I haven't been ready and he tries to understand, really, but he doesn't truly get it. He's got five brothers and sisters and his parents have been married for almost forty years. They remind me a lot of Cory's family and his parents."

"So they're good people?"

"I won the in-law jackpot…well, aside from one crazy brother-in-law. And I don't mean he's Eric's brand of harmless goofy. He's batshit, no one talks to him, crazy. But anyway, his mother wasn't sure about me at first and frankly, I didn't know what to make of her either because I was so out of my league dealing with mothers, but she's welcomed me into her family. She even tells me I can call her mom. I haven't quite gotten there yet, but she doesn't push."

"Good. You deserve it."

"My husband has been so patient with me and he's given me all the time I've asked for, but he's going to be home in two months and I know the topic is going to come up again. I was actually going to talk to Topanga about this tonight while we get dinner but I already know what she's going to say. She's going to tell me to have kids and do her best to sell me on why they are so amazing when that's not even the issue! Most of the time I think I want a baby, I've even had dreams about it. But I'm just so scared of…" She looked to Shawn and her face fell, for the first time realizing the conversation she was having and with whom. "Oh, god, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be talking to you about this."

"Angela, it's-"

"I just saw the dad and the little boy and the mom and the baby and after _finally_ hearing my husband's voice today I know what he's going to want to talk about when he gets home. It all hit me."

"It's okay."

"No, Shawn, no, this is not a conversation you have with your ex-boyfriend… _the_ ex-boyfriend."

Shawn realized he had a choice. He could walk away and no one would blame him. Angela was right. One didn't normally go around discussing their family planning with their ex. But at the same time he was also the only one who understood what she was feeling and he couldn't sit here and watch her be eaten away by feelings of fear and anxiety. "Under normal circumstances, probably not, but what was it you said? We see the world through the same cracked, jaded glasses. Angela, you're not your mother. You're never going to be her."

She wiped her eyes, trying to stop the tears before they fell. "How do you know?"

"You know what it's like to have your mom walk out of you. You know the pain of being left behind. You'd never do that to your child."

"You think so?"

"I know so," he stated with a confidence he truly felt. "I think the fact that you're so concerned about the possibility now, before that child even exists, show how far ahead of your mother you already are." Shawn always believed she would be different when she became a mom. The part he hadn't prepared for was not being the one in the trenches alongside her as she navigated this new role in her life. "Talk to your husband when he makes it home safely. Speaking as someone who knows you pretty well, it would be a shame to rob the world of more you."

"Thanks, Shawn."

"I'm just trying to…what was it your dad said? Embrace what you've learned and stop living in the past."

"You don't have to do it all in one day, but thanks." Angela felt a shock of pain at the mention of her father. He would never know any potential grandchildren and that hurt like hell. He would've been an amazing grandfather. She wondered if, on some level, that played into her hesitation as well.

"Are you okay?"

"I will be. Thanks for…I really didn't mean to bring all this up with you. I was saving it for Topanga."

"She wouldn't have understood the same way."

"No, she wouldn't have." Angela looked down when her phone buzzed. It was a message from her editor. "I need to go back to my hotel. Apparently the computers were down for a while at the office and the final edit of my article never got through. I have to resend it to him."

"Oh, okay."

"Will you tell Topanga she can meet me in the lobby, since it's closer to where we were going to eat?"

"Actually, I don't know if I'm going back to the bakery right now. I need to walk around, think for a while."

"Shawn…" As annoying and impolite as it was to be gawked at by two little teenagers who looked at her like she was the devil, she didn't want them thinking Shawn disappeared into thin air.

"I'll send Cory a text, but you're right. I need to figure out what's right for me, no one else."

"Okay." They stood there awkwardly, neither knowing exactly how to say goodbye again. "It was good to see you."

"You, too."

"Don't be afraid to look me up if you find yourself in San Diego again."

"Your husband wouldn't mind?"

"He knows all about you. When he called me earlier I mentioned that I ran into you and we were catching up."

"Oh. No secrets…that's a good thing. Secrets only get you in trouble."

"I agree."

"Look, Angela, I want to apologize for anything I ever did to hurt…"

"Shawn, forget it. It's in the past. But thank you. And I'm sorry, too."

He wanted to ask what would've happened if he hadn't of been so stubborn that morning all those years ago and given her that ultimatum. He wanted to ask, but he didn't. He feared he already knew the answer and didn't want to ruin what had turned into a decent conversation with speculation about what alternate universe Shawn and Angela would be doing right now.

"You know," she began in an uncertain tone, "if you ever need to talk…well, I'd like to think we could be friends again."

Shawn nodded. "It's how we started. I miss our conversations."

"Not just the silent ones, right," Angela asked with a small grin.

He chuckled. "No, the ones with words were good, too."

"Well, I should go before my editor sends another frantic text."

"Right." How did they say goodbye again? A handshake would be wrong. Was a hug even appropriate? Should he just leave it at goodbye and a silent hope they'll remain friends? And suddenly, Angela answered his unspoken question and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. She still preferred scents that were lighter, tropical and fruitier compared to the heavier floral and vanilla perfumes a lot of other women wore. After a moment of hesitation he returned the hug. "Take care of yourself," he whispered in her ear before they broke apart. "Okay?"

"I will. Be happy."

"I'll try."

Angela knew even on his best day that was the best Shawn could offer. He'd try to be happy. She offered a small wave and a smile before turning on her heel to head back to her hotel. Would they stay in contact and renew even the smallest of friendships? That remained to be seen, but she hoped so.

Shawn waited until she was out of sight before settling back on the bench. He fired off a brief text message to Cory to let him know he was okay after seeing the thirty plus messages awaiting him on his phone, not just from his friend, but the girls, too. He wasn't in the mood to deal with them now. So much of his adult life was spent in suspended animation, clinging to the faintest hope that he and Angela would work out, that they'd find a way. Now that hope was dashed. She was happily married and probably about to start a family soon. And he encouraged it. Now he had to come up with a new plan for the rest of his life. He had no idea how he was going to do it, but he was going to give it a shot.


End file.
